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April 28, 1999
Marc wedged a review into the server really late last night. You can check it out on The Gospel of Marc. Unfortunately, his initial upload puked on the server causing it to revert to a pre-Tuesday status. If you viewed the site this morning from 1:30 to 8:30 PDT, you probably missed last night's stuff. But all is well... for now.
The screwy early morning goof should only affect Chris, Ryan, Eugene, maybe Dale, Tim, maybe Rich, and whoever the heck is in the dorms at Georgia Tech. Who is our friendly Yellow Jacket? I guess the word is spreading.
Star Wars Shirts Yet Again --- Dechter
I posted some pictures of the semi-official Dechter.com standing in line Star Wars shirts late last night, so scroll down to see them. You can't miss it. Let me know what you think.
Intriguing Upcoming Movie --- Dechter
This fall, Warner Brothers will be releasing Any Given Sunday, an inside look at pro-football and such starring Al Pacino, Jim Brown, Dennis Quaid, Cameron Diaz, and Elizabeth Berkley as a whore (surprise, surprise). It will be directed by Oliver Stone. Too cool. They have a website up, but it isn't anything spectacular-- just a long plot and character breakdown. However, if you are a football fan, give it a gander. The website is AnyGivenSunday.net.
Taking It One Step Too Far --- Dechter
Our pals over at The Den.com always seem to view the world with a slightly skewed outlook. That's what makes the site so much fun. I think the same way, and check the site daily (I guess I'll need to link to it on the right there, eh?) for whatever goofy news they've posted recently. However, there is a darker side to that site. They run a column several times a week called the Babe of the Day in which pre-pubescent readers nominate a young lady to be downloaded by thousands of pale, enfeebled, horny nerds. It's a bit laughable as they attempt (and fail greatly) to cover up any "Naughty Bits" with a tiny logo.
Now we come to my gripe. Yesterday, they ran a headline entitled: See Stars Naked. Sure, I'll click on that and you would too. But once in the article, I found that the staff of The Den truly have no shame. Each movie star (Teri Hatcher, Carmen Electra, Jane March, Charlize Theron, and Kate Winslet for those of you who want to know) is listed according to Hottie (name), Movie (duh), Scene (what is happening in the movie), Counter time (so you can fast-forward right to it), Get off (what kind of "nudge nudge wink wink" occurs, Jackability (uh...), and Reader recommendation (a quick summary of the "action").
Excuse me? Jackability?? Isn't that better left inferred and not clearly stated? Some of their innuendoes and allusions are also a little more graphic than I want to read about. However, I must give them credit for having the cajones to print "Full frontal nudity is something of a rarity these days, so when you see it it's like a red alert on the Enterprise: all hands on dick." Still, it's a little too much. Let's hope the Den takes a step back from raunchy to politically incorrect.
Okay, okay. Here is your precious link. Click away you perverts. On to Spank Tradition.
Troops on the Way --- Dechter
Yup. You knew it was coming. Clinton announced that up to 33,000 reservists could be called up to active duty. Oh, and according to the Weekly World News, Nostradamus predicted that World War III will start this summer in the Balkans. Cool.
CNN, MSNBC Like Shootings in Denver --- Dechter
Both CNN and MSNBC announced record viewing increases for last week due to the massive over-blown coverage of the shooting in Denver. Hypocritical and emotionless pricks. Of course they tease us with the news that they have surveillance camera footage of the killings but won't show it. That's just mean.
Dave Visits Hades, Returns to Tell Us About It --- Dechter
This one wandered into my Inbox this morning. Dave was watching network television. UPN to be more specifically. Hell, I'll let him tell it.
So here I am, now no longer on my death bed. I have no idea what has
happened to me, perhaps it is the good clean Oregon air. I thought I was
gonna die. From 10:00 PM to 6:00AM all I could do was... well... I wanted
to die. The paint on the walls of the bathroom was running into pools
around my feet, the howl of the offended neighborhood dogs echoed across the
parking lot. Big official looking trucks with men in environmental suits
circled my residence.
But I digress. I almost died. I wanted to die. But before that I watched
my first Dilbert. I can not prove that they are related, but I can not
disprove it. Now, that I am recovered (mostly), I want this show to die. I
have never seen anything that I disliked so much at first impression.
Boring, banal and it'd better not be on next week or I got a TV that is going out
the window, and Home Movies? Kill em.
I will however, fight for Family Guy until my last breathe escapes....
Wet Cattle and Coffee --- Dechter
Blaine steps in with this look at the extremes people go to in order to get "free" stuff.
Hi everyone. Just wanted to rant a little about cattle. More specifically, the cattle that was hearded around Ben and Jerry's last night in the U Village.
[Editor's Note: University Village, University of Washington, Seattle for the benefit of those from out of town]
Apparently it was "free cone day" (better known as stand in a fucking 300 person long line to get a free $1 scoop of ice cream), and the cattle had herded themselves all the way around the block and into the parking lot. All for a free scoop of ice cream.
I of course was watching this from two perspectives. The first one was in my Jeep, when I COULDN'T MOVE because these dumbasses were in my way. The second time was from the comfort of Starbucks. While sitting in a warm spot, drinking a cup of coffee, it starts raining. No, strike that. Pouring. Like a monsoon in Nam or something. And guess what. The cattle just stayed there. In line. Getting soaked. (which I didn't really mind-- you know, lots of sorority girls, soaked shirts...put it together) But come on people. Now you are standing in a 300 deep line, soaked, cold, and blocking traffic for a cold, frozen chunk of milk.
It's amazing what the cattle will do for the word "FREE".
I agree with Blaine that people in large groups have the average intelligence of my sock. My reaction, however, would have differed in that I would have been in the line, "sympathizing" with the shivering wet females.
April 27, 1999
The Gospel of Marc has been updated.
Star Wars Shirts Again --- Dechter
In my never-ending endeavor to make a cool shirt to wear, if for no other purpose than my own personal satisfaction, I am again pluggin the semi-official Dechter.com Star Wars Episode One Shirt. Again, these designs will change ever so slightly, but this is what it'll look like.
 
If you want to see what Threepio and Artoo are saying, click here for a larger scan. Please send me comments, suggestions, etc and let me know if you would be interesting in ordering a shirt. The cost will be around $15. Besides, this shirt doesn't suck.
Grim Fandango --- Dechter
This game is pretty old (late summer 98 I think), but I just got it at Future Shop's Our Prices Were So High We Went Out of Business, Besides We're Owned by Canadians sale. The game is funny as hell-- which in itself is funny as the game takes place in the Underworld. You play Manny Calavera, a travel agent that sells luxury packages to recently deceased souls on their way to the after-life. I found it for $16 and it's well worth it. Certainly not worth the full $40 or so, but it can be found for sale online for about $20. Pick it up. You won't regret it. There is also a demo available so snag that if you want to see it in action. Gotta love any game that has baloon animals in the shape of Robert Frost.
Toys R Us Online --- Dechter
Toy giant (that sounds funny doesn't it?) Toys R Us announced today that they would be expanding their online store to make it easier for people to buy toys without leaving their home. Quothe Toys R Us President of North American Operations, Stinky McGurk:"We hope to attract the lucritive immature loser demographic in time for the release of the new Star Wars prequel. Anything Star Wars related will sell very well this summer and we all know how much nerds and geeks hate interacting with real people, yet they still want these toys. We just want to help our pale, enfeebled brothers."
When asked to respond to allegations that, in order to be grammatically correct, Toys R Us should actually read Toys Are We or more colloquially We Are Toys, McGurk turned the press conference over to a talking Telly Tubby doll that simply spouted racial slurs and foul language for 20 minutes until the batteries ran out.
Quick TV Update --- Dechter
Futurama tonight. 8pm. Tune in.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart-- if you have Comedy Central, watch this show.
Family Guy-- funny again. I'm warming up to this show. Maybe it'll stick around a few more years. Or it could start sucking immediately. Like Dilbert (the tv show, not the comic).
X-Files-- David Duchovny wrote and directed the most recent episode (which didn't totally smell like ass). And of course he had to write in a scene in which he groped Scully.
Simpsons-- Still the best written show on television. Springy, too.
More Mac Q3Test Impressions --- Marc
Well I finally got it working somewhat smoothly. Apparently it is very bad with this test to, under any hardware configuration, set everything to good quality. And probably it doesn't help that I'm using beta drivers for OpenGL on my Voodoo2 card with a program (MacQ3) that isn't even at the alpha stage yet. I think one of these, probably the former, is the reason that my screenshots always come out looking like this:
Click the image for a larger one
Dechter said something about the program taking a gamma snapshot, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me but I guess he must know.
Anyhow, I played Q3Test on the internet in one of the dorms, and it plays great, until I come up to a place where a wall has recemtly been marred by some weapon blast. At that point artifacts show up all over the place, and the game gets really buggy. Also, whenever someone gets close to me and fires, things slow down, and I end up losing. Which is exactly why I, with the lowest ping on a server in Oregon, at 50 ms, was in last place for frags with 1 (got some guy from behind).
I want to point out again that id has stated firmly and frequently that this is only a test. I have been asked too many questions by people that are on the order of "how good is it" and "will it be worth buying?" Bugs will be fixed and cool stuff will be added, and it will kick ass. The game looks really nice when it runs and will be a good buy.
April 26, 1999
Yup, really late on the update today. Apologies accepted.
Translation --- Kniggit
If you have tried to read Dechter's post below (you know the one i'm talking about), I have taken it upon myself to provide a translation for those who have missed out on what he had to say. You're welcome.
When she died from a brokern vertebrae, this disease from Ubersetzen (fromerly under the Soviet Union) happened when she went on a veal diet. The grand four diesel Aktualisierungsvorgang (meaning gang car) sold unseen in European and Dutch speaking lands. A burden on death Kugel elaborates; Dechter.com, in inherrant mutter-speak: "new lesson." Is this night dad? With their vehicles, porsche, lets have that salad with drinks tonight. Dad with sugar engine, lets have the nine gut-buster double don't you loud-preacher it? My alter burger spilt the sauce cheese got, after our beverages die swinging. Sprocket, Die English sister! Gutter-tag! Ice mocha action sage dad. Sad Fluggel horn is you shower. Have a nice day, bite me.
Obviously, someone didn't take their medication today. Not naming any names here, but I think someone better check what they post before they post it.
[Well, it still makes perfect sense to me-- Dechter]
Episode One Music --- Dechter
Sony released a single from the upcoming Star Wars Episode One soundtrack entitled Duel of the Fates. Again, it's done by John Williams so even without hearing it you know it will be badass. After hearing, I changed my opinion of it though. It's incredibly badass. Head over to The Force.net and nab an mp3. If "the man" makes them pull it, I'll put one here.
Update: It looks like "the man" did indeed strike at The Force.net. So, I am hosting the file here at Dechter.com. You can snag the mp3 here or if that one is giving you problems (like pages of text) try this one.
Internet=Idiots --- Dechter
Recently I recieved a courteous message from a friend informing me that he was changing to a new email address. How nice. Unfortunately, he also sent the same message to all his other friends. Why is this unfortunate? Apparently the net intelligence quotient of all his "friends" is about 14 (with the exception of a few). They started a bantering quibble about nothing and I was forced to be a part of it as they were replying to the entire list. Ugh. Kniggit, would you contact God and have him smite these people? I'm sure the world would be a better place without our clueless cyber-neighbors. If any of the above-mentioned people are reading this (you know who you are), you can cram it with walnuts. T'kharev betak Koos-- Inahl Rabak Ars Ya Choosharmuta.
Dechter.com auf Deutsch --- Dechter
Wenn Sie die Zeit verbrachten, dieses zu übersetzen, haben Sie weit zu viel Zeit. Der Grund für diesen Aktualisierungsvorgang soll unseren europäischen und deutschsprechenden Brüdern um die Kugel erlauben, Dechter.com in ihrer Muttersprache zu lesen. Es ist nicht daß wir sehr viele deutsche Leser haben, tatsächlich ich denkt nicht, daß wir sogar einen Leser haben, der ein gebürtiger deutscher Lautsprecher ist. Mein älterer Bruder spricht deutsches hübsches gut, aber er bevorzugt die schwierige Sprache, die Englisch ist. Guter Tag. Ich möchte auch sagen, daß " das Flugzeug ist zu schwer, hinausgehen bitte. "
CIH Virus --- Dechter
I see the media is finally picking up on computer virii. It's about damn time. Anyway, this morning the nasty CIH virus hit-- just like it does every single 26th of every single month. This is not new. I'm sure they'll forget by next month. Fools.
Bad Joke --- Dechter
I don't have much to say today, so I'm recycling stuff people are sending me. I actually have a lot to say, but I'm too busy messing with other stuff to do it. So here's a joke courtesy of our very own Dave.
Recently I was honored to be selected as an
Outstanding Famous Celebrity from TEXAS to be a judge at a
chili cook-off, basically because no one else wanted to do it.
Also the original person called in sick at the last moment and I
happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking
directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was
assured by the other two judges that the chili wouldn't be all
that spicy, and besides they told me I could have free beer
during the tasting, so I accepted this as being one of those
burdens you endure when you're a writer and known and
adored by all. Here are the scorecards from the event:
Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor Very mild.
FRANK: Holy smokes, what is this stuff? You could remove
dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two
beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst
one. These people are crazy.
Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili
JUDGE ONE: Smoky (barbecue?) with a hint of pork. Slight
Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be
taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I
am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off
two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich
maneuver. Shoved my way to the front of the beer
line. The barmaid looks like a professional wrestler
after bad night. She was so irritated over my gagging
sounds that the snake tattoo under her eye started to
twitch. She has arms like Popeye and a face like
Winston Churchill. I will NOT pick a fight with her.
Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more
beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red
peppers.
FRANK: This has got to be a joke. Call the EPA, I've located a
uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been sneezing
Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now and got
out of my way so I could make it to the beer wagon.
Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone
is in the front part of my chest. She said her friends
call her "Sally." Probably behind her back they call
her "Forklift."
Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice.
Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish
for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue but was
unable to taste it. Sally was standing behind me with
fresh refills so I wouldn't have to dash over to see her.
When she winked at me her snake sort of coiled and
uncoiled ... it's kind of cute.
Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly
ground adding considerable kick. Very
impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more
tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make
a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing and I can no longer focus my
eyes. I belched and four people in front of me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed hurt when I told
her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally
saved my tongue by pouring beer directly on it from a
pitcher. Sort of irritates me that one of the other
judges asked me to stop screaming.
Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold. Good balance of spice and
peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers,
onions, and garlic. Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with
gaseous flames. No one wants to stand behind me
except Sally. I asked if she wants to go dancing later.
Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on
canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned
chili peppers at the last moment.
FRANK: You could put a hand grenade in my mouth and pull
the pin and I wouldn't feel it. I've lost the sight in one
eye and the world sounds like it is made of rushing
water. My clothes are covered with chili which slid
unnoticed out of my mouth at some point. Good, at
autopsy they'll know what killed me. Go Sally, save
yourself before it's too late. Tell our children I'm sorry
I was not there to conceive them. I've decided to stop
breathing, it's too painful and I'm not getting any
oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just let it in through
the hole in my stomach. Call the X-Files people and
tell them I've found a super nova on my tongue.
Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili
JUDGE ONE: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither
mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was
lost when Judge Number 3 fell and pulled the
chili pot on top of himself.
JUDGE TWO: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe
for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare
its existence.
FRANK: Is that you mama?
Weekend Edition: April 24-25, 1999
Quake 3: Arena Test First Impressions
--- Marc
Boy oh boy did I have a fun time with this one. First off, the
Test only works on Macs with some flavor of Rage acceleration, most preferably Rage128. Well, I have a "lowly" Voodoo2 card for my
computer, so I couldn't initially run the program. I had installed the Apple OpenGL drivers
but those didn't do the trick, they too insisted on having a semi up-to-date ATI card, as opposed to my RavePro 2MB card that does my normal vide.
So I was out of luck. However finally, after searching around the net for some sort of drivers, however buggy, I
found the MESA Mac OpenGL drivers. I was ecstatic, things were going to work. I installed those
libraries into my System Folder, ran the program, and BOOM! It worked!
I played around with starting a server, since my modem wasn't connected, but then decided to try and find a way to connect to a game.
I quit the program and started my modem connection. Then the next time I started the game I got an error saying that Quake required
at least 4MB of video RAM. I was pissed. I played around with drivers for two hours to no avail, and then after I went to a movie with a
friend I had a revelation. What if I throw away the config file? Some revelation, huh? Probably should have figured it out earlier.
Well back off, I'm the one giving you screenshots. Anyhow if you are a Mac-owner without a Rage128 card (most of us) then get the MESA
and Apple drivers (links in the previous paragraph) and put the MESA drivers in both your System Folder and the folder containing the MacQuake
application to make sure it references them. Then if you can only run the game once without a video card error, remove the Q3config.cfg file
from the demoq3 folder and try to run it again. Oh and you really should have a lot of physical RAM.
Q3 is still definitely in the testing phase, as this program isn't even of Alpha quality. Half the time I exit it I have to force restart
my computer, but I can't say if it's the drivers I'm using or the game. Every time I look into one of those portals that you can see where
it goes before you go in it, the thing locks up and plays the same "kerchunk....kerchunk..." sound over and over. but that's thr price you pay
for getting a game to work on a non-G3 non-Rage128 system. When it's not buggier than a dung pile, which is when I'm just walking around,
the game is smooth and I like the feel better than Quake2. The rockets leave a nice trail, and the weapons are more impressive looking.
I can't get the screenshots working on my end yet, they come out all garbled in color. So go to Shugashack
for screenshots right now. But I'll hopefully work around this within about two hours, at which point I will also be playing the game
networked from a friends dorm room.
Marc reviews Go on the Movie Reviews page.
Silly UN
--- Marc
Evidently the UN wants $260 million to feed 8 million starving people in Korea. Part of their plan involves feeding children "high protein biscuits" at school which will supposedly keep them from taking them home. The real question is, who the hell would come home from school and say "look mom, they gave me a dog biscuit but I saved it for you!"?
School children involved in the testing phase of this plan, when asked about how they felt about the aid, reportedly said "Woof! Woof! Grrrr!" Then they peed on the floor and ran around in circles until they were so tired they collapsed in heaps.
April 23, 1999
Lite Update Today
--- Dechter
Sorry again folks, but I'm busy today. I'll toss up a late update tonight in recompense. Hopefully Marc and Kniggit will cover.
Future Shopping, Part 3
--- Dechter
Well, I tempted fate again this morning and went to Future Shop. Remember they are having their "everything must go, liquidation sale." Currently they are at 50-60% off everything. The sad thing is I can still find lower prices online. Just goes to show that retail is not the way to go. However, one department that is full of bargains is Music. The CDs at Future Shop are usually $13, but at 50%, become quite a steal. But I didn't buy any.
I was eyeing a new reciever, the Harmon-Kardon AVR-65, but I couldn't justify the $600 price. The best price I've seen on it is about $700 online, but the one at Future Shop was a floor model with no remote or manual. Screw that. It's a really, really nice digital reciever with both Dobly Digital and DTS and enough power to blow out your windows.
Last week in Seattle, I was at a Future Shop there and they had a 45" Sony rear projection television for about $1100. Again, a great price and Marc can attest that I was incredibly tempted to buy it. However, it was also a floor model with no remote or manual. If they had knocked another $200 off the price, I probably would have got it. Yeah, I know. I need help.
Denver Shootings Were Predictable
--- Dechter
This is insane. In the aftermath of the shootings in Littleton, Colorado, the police and such are trying to see if there were any signs that these two kids might be deadly. Of course they play games, but we all do that, so that is useless. But, the two shooters were in the same psychology class. In that class, they were given an assignment to write about their dreams. One of the shooters wrote a long, detailed paper about he and his buddy bombing and shooting up the school. HELLO! McFLY!! ANYONE HOME?? The teacher said he is too distraught to decide whether or not this was a clue. Will someone fire this guy-- out of a cannon?
In related news, CNN has a full map of the school and the motions of the gunmen on their website. Heck, here it is for you to view. How long until Half-Life and Quake maps show up that model this school?
Jesse Ventura is the Coolest Governor
--- Dechter
This doesn't have anything to do with anything, but Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura was just on CNN talking about the Denver shootings. That guy is so cool. And he's huge-- 6'4" according to the Internet Movie Database. He should run for governor again, then president. That'd be cool.
April 22, 1999
In case you missed the late update last night, Marc takes shots at those pesky SysAdmins. No, not here. Try The Gospel of Marc.
More on the Denver Shootings
--- Dechter
Well, every news agency and their brother (named Larry) is calling this week's shooting in Colorado "the worst in U.S. history." Thank providence for the level-headed Matt Drudge. I stole this from his Drudge Report so visit there for more information. It's a great, no-nonsense news site. Well worth your lunch hour.
LITTLETON SCHOOL MASSACRE NOT WORST IN U.S. HISTORY
A massive error is circulating in the media about Tuesday's Colorado school tragedy: It
was not, repeat, not the worst attack on a school in United States history.
[NEW YORK TIMES: "It was the largest death toll in an act of terrorism at one of the
nation's schools." REUTERS: "The country's worst school massacre, in Littleton, Colo."
UNITED PRESS INTERNATIONAL: "The worst school massacre in U.S. history."]
On May 18, 1927, 45 people were killed, including 38 elementary students, by a series of
dynamite explosions at the Bath Michigan School.
After detonating explosives he planted under the school, "maniac bomber" Andrew Kehoe, a
school board member and treasurer and farmer, blew up his pickup truck, killing himself
and the Bath School superintendent.
"I don't remember hearing any noise, but I remember flying in the air and seeing things
fly between me and the sun," remembers AdaBelle McGonigal, then 11 and in the fifth
grade. "But I don't ever remember falling."
AdaBelle's ear was nearly torn off in the blast that killed 38 of her classmates. Seven
adults also died that day.
Because this happened so long ago, it is something that most reporters don't know about
and have failed to reference in the coverage of the Littleton, Colorado nightmare.
Now I don't know about you, but this guy really scares me. Not only was he not retaliating for years of name-calling, but he used explosives and not guns. So, this farmer snaps one day and decides to blow up the school? That's waaay out there. Compared to Mr. Kehoe, our boys in Colorado were Saints. Or if not Saints then definitely Popes. And keep this in mind folks: In 1927, there were no video games. There was no Marilyn Manson. There were no vampire websites. Hitler was not a world power. However, like today, there were crazy people. Go ahead Clinton, try to stop the crazy people. Most of them live near you in Washington.
Earth Day
--- Dechter
As today is Earth Day we should all be taking precautions to live a more environmentally friendly lifestyle. Personally, I lowered the air pressure in my tires, removed my muffler, emptied three aerosol cans into the atmosphere, and, so far today, I've smoked four cigars. I also set fire to a dumpster. I urge you too to help out.
Vice President Gore has stated that each state will improve the air in public green spaces (golf courses I assume), by cleaning the air and decreasing the pollutants by 30%. Of course, no one knows how to do this, so all the governors just smiled and nodded. Silly Al. I bet he'll take credit for cleaning up the atmosphere of the planet. "Elect me President because I single handedly cleaned up the atmosphere of the planet. I also invented the Internet." Where do I cast my ballot?
TV Turnoff Week
--- Dechter
Today is the start of National TV Turnoff Week. I haven't heard much about this as I get most (all) of my news from CNN or Fox News and I'm sure the television media doesn't really give rat's pitoot. Ever supportive of the nutty people who come up with this crap, I will vow to not watch tv for one week. Starting now.
....ngh
....sigh
....Is it hot in here?
....hmm
.....CLICK!
Darn it. I only made it four seconds. Oh, well. What is a pitoot anyway? Are rats the only creatures with pitoots? Wouldn't Rat's Pitoot be a good name for a band?
Yeltsin isn't Yakking
--- Dechter
For the first time in months, Russian President Boris Yeltsin appeared in public looking healthy. Yeltsin proclaimed (in Russian obviously): "fear no more. My health problems are over. Cough! Cough! Hrrrrack! Uh oh. That looks like a lung." Yeltsin then passed out, awaking only briefly to fire his chief aides, before slipping into unconsciousness again.
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