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September 13, 1999
What the--?
What is this World Coming To?
Incidentally a friend of mine listens to a band called Stuck Mojo
and went to one of their concerts when they were in Seattle. He bought a shirt that has
a logo of theirs on the front and on the back it says "Friends don't let friends listen
to Puff Daddy." Amen.
I'm Back!
Oregon State Can Lick My Left Nut
Driving in Washington is great. The speed limit isn't super high, but it's a good one:
70 miles per hour. You can fudge that up to around 75-77 mph and you'll be all right (
I have no radar detector...story about that follows).
But not in Oregon, oh no. You have to go 65 mph on the highways there, since they
obviously didn't listen when the federal speed limit was lifted. So basically you can
only fudge that up to about what you're supposed to go in Washington. Great.
So there's the speed limit. Then there's the bloody gas prices! On the way back from
Utah we stopped in Oregon to gas up--and that will be the last time I ever buy gas in Oregon
when I'm passing through. The price was $1.519 per gallon! And why is this? Because
Oregon doesn't trust the average citizen to pump their own gas. Nope, there has to be
someone to pump the gas for you so you don't do some damn fool thing and
cover yourself with gas and light a match. This guy must be a professional, because he
wouldn't stoop to cleaning our windshield. And he must be getting paid a professional's
wages, because the gas prices in Oregon are about $0.10 higher than in the surrounding
states!
My friends, I think it's time that we declare war on Oregon. Only when its officials have been forced
to think rationally can we rest assured that when we zoom through this beautiful yet
stupid state we will not get robbed when we stop for gas.
The Radar Detector Story
Officer: What kind of radar detector do you use?
Instinct: Booooo!
Anyhow, we decided to walk to the nearest theater, the General Cinema at Pacific Place Mall, which is pretty much brand-spanking new. I bet Paul Allen had something to do with its creation. Anyhow only crap like A Midsummer's Night Dream (well okay Shakespeare isn't crap, but when you wanted to see Star Wars...Shakespeare is a very pooe substitute) and Notting Hill (now that movie looks like crap) was playing at that theater. Other than that, it looked like all we could watch was Instinct, so we bought tickets (student discount to $6.75 from $8, nice!) and headed in. We sat down, getting in somewhat early, and within 15 minutes the theater was jam packed. I couldn't believe it. Then they started that stupid damn cartoon of the bag of popcorn who goes and gets candy and soda for his friends (real subtle that), and on to the previews--all of which looked like excellent movies.
The first preview was for Summer of Sam, which looks cool--it's about the summer of 1970 (I think) and about a group of friends and their dealing with Son of Sam and how one of them turns out to maybe be him. Good music, it's directed by Spike Lee.
The second preview was for The Blair Witch which from what I've seen looks really really scary. Oh man just the previews make the hair on my neck stand up. I must see this soon after it's released. If you haven't heard about it then go to the site, I've read about this a lot lately and I haven't been online much.
Next up was Stigmata which looks cool, it seems to be about a woman who is receiving wounds from demons or something, that are in the same form as the wounds Christ received. See the trailer, this movie looks really good.
There was one more kickass-looking trailer, but I can't remember what it was. More on that later, I'll update this when I get someone to remind me what it was.
Then we watched Instinct. Basically this movie amounted to half an hour of interesting stuff and an hour and a half of me trying to make my ass stop hurting. Instinct was billed as a "psychothriller," which is a gross exaggeration. I failed to see the thriller part, the whole thing was a drama. An okay drama, but not what I was expecting, and I still feel pretty cheated. They totally overplayed the "he lived with gorillas" part and didn't even talk about the somewhat philosophical aim of the film. Basically the doctor (I can't even remember his name now) decided to stay among the gorillas to better study them, and ended up living with them for two years. And one day he killed several Rwandan men. That's where the story starts. It took nearly three-quarters of the movie to confirm what everyone was suspecting, that the killiing was justified. And then, when I'd finally come to grips that the film was not what I wanted it to be and was starting to come around to like it, they made the stupidest, cheesiest ending they could possibly imagine. I never want to see Cuba Gooding Jr. cry again, it'll make me remember this film and I'll vomit all over the person in the seat in front of me.
In all, I expected this movie to be an action-packed psycho-thriller, and I got an only slightly less-than-flowery drama (up to the end where it just got plain flowery). Just for that this film gets two thumbs down in a pile of dog crap.
Organic Chemistry Scam--er, LAB
What the hell's wrong with me you're asking? Nothing at all, and I'll tell you why: At the beginning
of an organic chemistry course at UW, you check in, getting a drawer of various semeingly flawless
glassware. Everything looks nice and shiny. Then as you go along in the class, whatever you break you
have to pay for. This is all normal right? WRONG. When the initial glassware you are given
is ten times more fragile than the glassware you have to buy after you break it, there's a problem.
Last quarter, I was cleaning a craig tube (used for filtering really small amounts of solid) when I
dropped it in a sink. My hand was about five inches off the bottom of the sink, and any piece of
glass should have made that landing with ease...but not this one. It broke into thousands of pieces,
and I had to buy another $5 tube. The wall of the new one was about half a centimeter thick...and I
never broke it. And everything else I started with was fragile too, or didn't fit together with at
least one other piece of glassware, causing it to fall and shatter all over the countertop of my fume
hood.
All told this quarter, I spent about $60 in broken glassware, including buying a couple magnetic spin
vanes (about $8 each) and a thermometer ($9) which were just taken from my fume hood counter while I
was cleaning other glassware. Next time I have to go to the stockroom to buy a broken piece of
glassware, I'm going to bring an extra piece, like a big beaker, ask how much it costs, and smash it
through my attendent's forehead.
Today's update was written Friday but I didn't get around to posting it until today...sorry about that
but once again, time has been in short order lately.
Basic Pronunciation
Speed Reading
However, all of a sudden the damn thing jumped gears on me! It went from "don't say the words mentally as
you see them" to "take in every word you see, and since your brain works faster than you can absorb
words it'll put them together." Well I know that I'm a very intelligent person, but I can't believe
this! I am busting my ass, trying to take in every word in that narrow peripheral vision you have when
you focus on the paper (about 1.5" in diameter according to the book) and make some sense out of it, but
so far all I get is confused! I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong, but I think I might be going
too fast. Also it can't help that the first book I'm actually trying this on is an organic chemistry
text which is pretty dense with words like "2-Hydroxy-6-methyl-tetrahydropyran"...but still I should
be getting something more than "aldoses are sugars with aldehydes at the top of the Fischer projection"
when I read it. Oh well.
Oh yeah and in the speed reading book's defense, it does suggest that a person overview a chapter at
a couple seconds a page, then preview at about 4-5 seconds a page, then read at about 15 seconds a
page, and then postview as necessary. The only problem I have with is the one that I can already do
slowly...READING it. Oh well. I'm going to try this on easier books as soon as I have time...like
after finals are over in a couple weeks.
If you've had any success learning this process and would like to give me any advice (I may post it
as well) email me.
Oh and the book's title is The Evelyn Wood Seven-Day Speed Reading and Learning Program by
Stanley D. Frank and published by Barnes & Noble Books. It was like $6 on sale. As always nothing
here was a statement of the book's quality.
Mmm...Barrylicious
Did you ever have an ant farm as a kid? Well neither did I, but I can still speak definitively on
the subject: Ants are a social animal! They have been shown to be the most socially organized
member of the insect world, except possibly bees, which, if they reached human sizes, would just
make so much honey it would be used in capital punishment..."death by honey," in which the criminal
is dropped in the middle of a 30 foot deep pool of cooled honey. If they can swim out they will be
shot in the head, but if they can't...well then they're dead. And you wouldn't even need to clean it
for a long time, the bodies would just stay at the bottom. Why cooled honey you may ask? Have you
ever tried getting COLD honey out of the bottle? USELESS! You could almost walk on that stuff...
almost. But I digress.
I think if we allowed these ants to have a chance in our world, some of them could become great
leaders in our communities...they could probably do a whole hell of a lot better than that moronic
commission (who, incidentally, should be beaten like a dead horse. But again, I digress) that
protested Barry's jibes about Hanford. And those that don't become strong leaders will live
upstanding lives in the crafts, as Dave suggested on the front
page. Can you imagine how useful they could be? How fast do those guys build their anthills? Now
picture this: we have 4 tons of steel, titanium, whatever is necessary, and the plans to a great
space shuttle. Send those suckers to work on that and in 15 minutes you have a space shuttle that's
ready to go! Hell, they can build the launch pad and the bleachers for the bystanders too.
Anyways, I agree with the Tri-Citians that Barry's suggestion to smash the ants with a giant boot is
ludicrous (which I learned just now means "laughably absurd," thank you Oxford English Dictionary) at
best! Why should we destroy this precious resource of diversity? What are we, species-ists? I
believe in equal rights for any animal my size that can lift several times its weight and has incisors
the size of my arms that could snip me in two within seconds! They should be allowed to live their
underground lives (with the added amenities of cable television and all manner of home appliances,
which would certainly boost our economy) and come up to have their say in their government. And in
the end, if they get violent Mr. Barry, I suggest something much more efficient and more fun than
a twinkie and a huge boot. When I was a kid we did it the American Way, with WD-40 and a match.
C'mon People...
Note: this isn't a review of the sites described, don't take it as any kind of endorsement.
So after talking to Dechter, I checked out two sites, allapartments.com
(which a while ago became springstreet.com, reflected in the link) and apartments.com.
Both of these are okay sites, and I soon was looking at places I could rent starting the 25th of September
next school year (UW doesn't start school until late September).
All with the meager amenities I require.
Then I started calling the places listed. Invariably some guy (or gal, don't want to leave anyone
out of this) answered and said, "you read about us where? Yeah well I can't figure out how to use that
thing, I don't know what it says about us. Sorry we don't have anything available right now." Half of
the people I talked to didn't even know what I was talking about! "You must be talking about that internet
thingamajig! I seen pitchers a' that one! Heard of it, ain't never seen it!" I swear the hillbillies
have set up camp in the real estate business of Seattle. "Maw, I heard tell someone set up a Nintonert,
oh sumpin' like that! I bet we c'd avert...advert...let peoples know 'bout us on that!"
Why are these people allowed to use the internet? Honestly, my dog would have better luck learning how
to drive! I can see it now. "Don't forget to check your blind spot Jacques [I didn't name him don't blame
me...he's a little black poodle but he's awesome. Quit laughing! -Marc]."
People, if you're going to use a tool that's available to you, at least know how to use it to the extent
that you don't look like a moron using it! When someone asks me if I have the time, I don't pull out my
watch and say "they gave me this thing but I have no idea how it works. Sorry try later." And during
a physics test, I don't walk up to my professor and say "excuse me, but I could solve this problem if
I understood how to use my calculator. Could you check back with me later?"
<shameless plug>If you have an apartment available in or near Seattle's U-District starting around the end of September for two people,
please email me so I can live somewhere next school year. Looking for max about
$375 a person. And you'll be proud to be housing a formidable presence on the web. That is if anyone
famous on the web is also living in the building. By the way, if you reply to this with a legitimate deal, this rant was not about you! Heh.</shameless plug>
I've received a few gripes from people lately that I am slacking off at Dechter.com lately. Well back off
people, it's nearing the end of a tough quarter in school and my first priority has to be school. On with the lunacy!
History in the Making
Our first show is Dilbert. Every episode is the same, with someone pissing off our pathetic little
unhero, and his somehow not quite so much funny as annoying dog helping him
to extract revenge [That should read "exact revenge," I've been doing way too much organic chemistry lately...sigh. -Marc] or fix things. Promising as it sounds, making a television show out of a great cartoon
that just happens to have mouthless characters and giving them mouths, and then taking every iota of
humor out of it in favor of beating every joke into the ground, should get any network executive shot
in every limb, then slowly and painfully bled to the edge of consciousness, at which point their skin should
be peeled off and used to beat them to death. Rating: Absolute and utter CRAP.
Up next is that epic that, God willing, will be around for the rest of this afternoon, Home Movies.
This show features several cartoon characters drawn by a retarded second grader who originally intended
them to be turtles. Then, this Van Gogh of television was allowed to give voices to his or her characters,
and it is evident that the rest of his special-ed class was involved in the recording. And the animation.
And the writing. And the decision to even air this show. I have tried twice to watch Home Movies but
unfortunately after 3 minutes I find it necessary to wash myself. I think this show shows promise. It
could be the show that convinces America that there actually is nothing good on television and they should
go out and do something. Rating: If Dilbert is poop, this show is diarrhea. Strike that, it isn't
worthy of diarrhea, it's diarrhea juice, not the actual chunks.
UPN take notice, and heed my advice: before making the decision to air a television show make sure
you have a positive IQ, at least collectively.
"Unlocking the MP3 Mystery!"
It was sad, really. Their first and basically only topic was Real Networks'
RealJukeBox, which, while it does record to
MP3, is still created by Real and therefore I can't like it. And on top of that, the only time they
actually mentioned MP3 was when they said "but there are a lot of pirate sites out there that are hard
to distinguish from the legitimate sites." Yeah it's hard to tell them apart...if you're a total
moron who has to come up with some news story to attract curious technophiles to watch your show.
Strike!
However, you're not going to hear it related to me much. Thursday night I went bowling with some
friends. We arrived at the bowling alley, and I was pretty excited to partake in an activity I
really haven't thought about for about six years, and was never at all good at. Tonight I didn't do
myself any favors. Hell let's face it, I put myself to shame. We played two games, and I got 100 the
first game, and 104 the second. At least I didn't get the lowest score, which was a 71 on the second
round.
I don't understand the challenge of bowling. Nothing ever changes. It's not like there's some
psychological part of the game, is there? Am I missing something? Are the pins actually attempting
to dodge the ball that I'm hurling at them? It's not like playing baseball, where you have to excel
at all the individual parts of the game, there's only one part: throw the damn ball at the pins and
knock 'em all down! And don't get a split! And you can't really compare it to golf either, as playing
golf at a different location leads to courses of varying difficulty, even though there's still not many
parts to the game.
So I'm bowling. And I suck. Strike that, I don't just suck. I pretty much shame myself with every
set. Except after about three or four sets, I got into a kind of groove. I wasn't good, but I
was at least getting some points every time. Then I got a strike, which I was fairly proud of, and I
decided that the way to do well every time was to do exactly what I did when I got the strike. I only
got one more strike for the rest of the night, maybe two.
That's another thing I don't understand, that it seems if you want to play the game well consistently
you should just do the same thing every time. There's no adaptation really, as long as you don't
change anything. Where's the fun in that? Oh well I don't have to like it, I just have to avoid it.
Okay Fine
Jarjar POOP For Sale
And what merchandise they have! I have to say, if I had the money I would probably get a couple of
the Lego sets, but I wouldn't be under the same delusions that so many other people seem to be
in. I mean come on people, the reason that the original Star Wars toys are worth so much money now is
that nobody kept them in good condition and now there aren't very many. Do you really think that any
of your "investments" are going to be worth jack squat when everyone and their brother buys them and
doesn't open them either? Get a life, have fun, and play with your toys! And if you're going to follow
the herd and buy stuff just to lock it away, why not get something original? In a while I'll
announce the release of my brand new Star Wars: Episode One product, Jarjar Poop, and if you're one
of the lucky few to get ahold of this gem, boy will you be surprised what it's worth in even five
years!
Anyhow, in the end of the bit, they talked to a guy, and his words were, "George Lucas is sitting in his
living room and laughing at us." If you feel this way then why the hell are you contributing to
the joke that is being made of you?!? Oh well, at least I can take comfort in the fact that I will
play with my toys and not worry about how much they'll be worth in 20 years, which will make the fun
I have all the more enjoyable.
Cancer
As our country strives for the equality of opportunity that is the ideal, it stands to follow that
a larger number of people will be going to college. And as these people go to college, more and more
are going to be majoring in some sort of science. And to graduate with a degree in that science, they
will have to go through classes such as organic chemistry, and take the associated labs. And in those
labs, they will have to work with chemicals. And in my lab today, I noticed that just about every single
chemical I worked with had a warning on it:
For example, I had to run some classification tests on two compounds, and one test involved using a
liquid called 2,4-DNP. The warning was right there, and as I was squirting it safely into a test tube
I discovered that the dropper leaked. I now have yellowish-orange stains on every finger from it.
These kinds of potential poisons abound in lab! Benzene, benzaldehyde (smells like almonds but don't
smell too closely!), all sorts of nitrogen compounds! And they are forcing us to use these things!
And with organic reactants, wearing gloves doesn't help since most just dissolve right through, so
it is not possible to avoid contact with these things. Some day, I am not going to have a single
finger. Or at the very least I will only have two pinkies and a thumb. And what will I have to thank
for it? The fact that I wanted a college degree so I could go out and help people get well. I can
laugh about that now, but in sixty years? Probably won't have any vocal chords due to some inhaled
carcinogen.
Quit Your Whining
Oh wait! I have an idea! What if you didn't wait until the last minute to study for one of your classes?
Why not do the slacker thing for only one of the classes, and study for the other class TWO days before the exam
day? Why is it absolutely necessary for you to study only the night before you take your exam? Alas, that would
be too easy, I guess the best way would be to annoy the professor, piss off a lot of your classmates, and screw
up the schedule for the rest of the year by pushing back an exam because you can't prepare yourself adequately to
meet the demands of college life. The professor even said "I want to grade you on how well you know the material, not
on how well you can study for two classes in one night," implying that nobody should ever have to go through the
pain, the absolute AGONY of having to prepare themselves for a difficult day, in which they have not one, but TWO
goals to accomplish. Sheesh what pansies.
M*A*S*H
I love the happy hopelessness of the characters. I love the fact that Hawkeye Pierce has some of the
best and worst repartee that I have ever heard, and that the characters always make fun of each other
and everyone gets what they deserve. M*A*S*H is awesome. Everyone go and watch an episode and TELL me
it's not funny. And then watch the movie. And the next time someone talks about M*A*S*H, do me a
favor: don't look at them like they've just sprouted an opposable testicle. [Note: if you didn't
get that last reference look at the very first post on That's Testacular!]
Bad, Bad, BAD Way to Start the Day
A little while later, my parents were here and I was talking to them, and they offered their condolences
and said "we told you so." Told me so what? By this time I was freaking out and pretty much
frantic. My computer has almost all of my school life from 7th grade on contained in it, and for me
to lose that would be disastrous. I was sitting on my chair, surveying the damage and tallying up how
much this was going to set me back, when the sun came in the window really brightly. I put my hand up...
And woke up to the brightest my room has been in a while. I quickly looked down at my computer and what
I saw there didn't register immediately. I had trouble believing what I saw, that my computer and all
of its friends were there. Whew, what a dream. It was one of those Matrix dreams, where you wake up
and you think it was so real...
Needless to say, I just finished backing up my harddrives to CD-R. I still can't figure out why my
parents said "we told you so," but I think I was telling myself to back up. Or to live somewhere with
doors thicker than a saltine cracker. Only a month and a half till I'm out of here...
Stupid Network Administrators
Worth noting is the fact that since I value my investment in Zip disks, I have no real alternative than
to use the Macs in the computer labs. Every single PC (I'm pretty sure they're all Dells, if it
matters to anyone) has a little sign above the Zip drive stating that "using this drive may cause
irrepairable damage to your Zip disk." Only about seven or eight out of probably sixty Macs have any
problems with them, even though that is still too many. I think this is due to idiots that can't tell
that a Zip drive is quite a bit bigger than their floppy disk. The old addage "engage brain before
opening mouth" can and should be applied to actions.
Anyways, this computer was a fast machine, faster than my 210 mhz non-G3. Ideally. I was happily
downloading stuff, and decided I'd open up Netscape to look around the web for awhile. When I
clicked on the first link in Netscape, the window closed and an alert box came up--Netscape had
unexpectedly quit because of some error, and I was supposed to quit all other applications and
restart the computer. Like any seasoned Mac user, I promptly ignored this warning and tried to
restart Netscape. No go. Then I tried IE, shuddering as I did so. That didn't work. I couldn't even
get SimpleText to work. Luckily Hotline was still working so I finished my download and restarted the
the computer.
To make a long story a bit shorter, this happened again, at which point I took a look under the hood
at the Control Panels and Extensions folders. These were cluttered with all manner of Micro$haft
library and extension, plus plenty of horribly unnecessary ones--for God's sakes people, on a Library
computer you do not need 3D acceleration. Especially when there is no 3D hardware connected! I disabled
everything that didn't look good and restarted, and finally there were no errors.
Now the only problem with this is that every time you log out of the machine, this little program is
launched that synchronizes the harddrive in that computer with a static image somewhere in the bowels
of the building. And the image has all this crap in it that makes the computer slower and buggier.
Why don't we start hiring more competent administrators? I know a chimp named Joey....
Sorry Everyone
On Saturday we attempted to get a LAN game of Half-Life TFC running in the University of Washington
computer lab, but as almost everyone bailed out, we only had four people. Even that would be pretty
fun, except we then discovered that the PCs in the computer labs are all Pentium MMX 233s. Initially
we had to cut down the resolution on the games to 320x200, but after a while we could kick it up to
640x480, which was okay but not great. I hadn't played TFC before, but I am a huge fan of Quake Team
Fortress, and this was a monumental addition to a great game. It was too bad, after four hours of
gameplay the library closed. Stupid library hours.
Anyhow that's my excuse. On with the page!
[Addendum: Sorry to be so proud of myself, that message was directed to BOTH my readers. Like I
have 12 readers.]
Oh Baby
Dilbert Sucks
One Big Executive: Let's do a television version of Dilbert.
Netquirks
It was just out of the blue, but I answered him anyways, and without referencing it I said
"where did you get that?3" Note the "3" in the sentence, the Mac version of ICQ
requires you to hit the numberpad Enter key to send a message via the keyboard, and
consequently I get all manner of pluses and 3's and periods tagged on the end of my sentences.
Anyhow, Dechter didn't know what I was talking about, and when I told him it was in response
to his R2D2 remark he said he had sent it over a day earlier.
Good Lord, someone do something about ICQ! I know that it's been bought by AOL but can't they do this ONE thing right? I'm putting my hat
in the ring, I'll buy the whole thing off of AOL for $5. Who'll up the ante?
The Big One
Okay so I wake up yesterday morning innocently listening to the radio. There, on
KISW on the Bob Rivers
Twisted Radio show, they're talking about this
guy named Jonah Falcon with supposedly the world's (or the nation's, can't remember)
biggest... shall we say... member. In the telephone interview, he was really proud of it, and the
only term that fits his attitude (I swear, I looked in a thesaurus for a better word) was cocky.
This thing supposedly measures thirteen inches long by three inches in
diameter. His description went thusly: "Look at your forearm from elbow to wrist,
and imagine that attached to your groin." I'm sorry, but that's not something that I can
imagine.
Now this guy was talking about how he was pretty shy about his manhood, and how it seemed
to be a problem for women. Then he talked about how he had had so many women and how he
had even had sex with a woman that Leonardo DiCrappio
had had as well. That is hardly shy, and he
later went on to give a stiff blow to DiCaprio's (okay I spelled it right there)
endowments, saying he's not much better than average in size.
Mr. Falcon, as the big guy will now be referred to, has his own
website where he seems to just
enjoy talking about his size. I can't find the link to it but someone I know around here
(Seattle) found the address of an "actual" picture of him with no clothes on. I can't remember
the address but if you look really hard you might find it. If I find it later maybe I'll post it.
I was talking to Dechter about Mr. Falcon, and he thinks it's a long shot. He
thinks that this guy has quite possibly doctored a picture of himself and somehow word
spread. Well I can hardly discredit his opinion but at the same time, HBO seems to have measured his overly pert
friend using very rigid standards, so his tall tale may have a large
amount of truth.
My only complaint with having something this size, other than the compatibility issues, would
be blood-related. Every time a really beautiful woman would walk by, or my thoughts just
wandered like they always do, I can just see the world going gray and then black as the
growing beast in my pants consumes three quarters of my blood supply...
Poptarts
I Miss My Dog
Teach Me the Magic
Yokels Indeed...and then Some Ladies and gentlemen, let me
take you back to 1980 when a little movie called The Empire Strikes
Back was released.
Recall that there were these wonderful things called Imperial Walkers
that walked around and shot at things. Then remember that these
little flying Snow Speeders that flew around and eventually were used
to destroy the walkers. Now go and pay your $7.50 again and see the
Wild Wild West trailer. See how that little flying contraption
seems to be the thing that is going to take down the big mechanical
spider? The one that's walking around shooting things? 'Nuff said,
perhaps too much.
And then there was some git up front that decided that he would tell
everyone what he thought of The Phantom Menace during its trailer.
He pointed his index finger to the ceiling for the length of the
trailer and it didn't come down for another minute after the preview
was over. "Oops, how come that's still there?"
And then there was the peanut gallery. At every hint of a stunt or
special effect, those goons up front that came in to the movie 10
minutes after it started had to hoot and holler like they were at a
strip club. Who goes to a movie at all if they're 10 minutes late
anyways? In most recent movies that's the most defining part of the
movie, where some major crisis is played out or discovered.
"It's settled, the next time I go to see a movie I rent out the entire theater and watch it alone."
Fruit Flies  No, don't put it out! The flies'll come back!
Crappy Movies Puhlease! In the spirit of one of Dechter's comments the other day, I'm surprised they haven't made a movie of my dog licking himself. Or humping my brother's leg (He--the dog--is neutered, but humps my brother's leg when he gets excited. ONLY my brother's. Go figure). However, look at these: A Monkey Takes a Drink (941k). This is hilarious, I think I'd rather watch it over and over for the full length of Mighty Joe. This Elephant at Lunch (396K) is pretty cool too.
April 7, 1999
Comedy Central Comes Back to Life
What is this World Coming to? So I've switched to Politically Incorrect and I've come to the
conclusion that Michael Moore is a friggin' pansy. "Killing people
to stop killing has never worked." Let's see, killing in WWII
stopped the attempted genocide of the Jews (that example taken from
the show). Evidently that was not worth it. Evidently Michael Moore
is an anti-Semite. Prick. How the hell else are we to stop someone
from actively exterminating an entire race?
At least Conan is still funny. I can always count on him.
Marc Gets Welcomed to 1998
And speaking of shipping, do UPS and the USPS just hate me? I was
supposed to have some glasses mailed to me from Kent, which is
minutes from Seattle, by last Monday. I'm running out of time on my
contacts and I need my glasses but somehow they're not here. Sigh.
Money to Burn?
Buy this amphibious vehicle
built by a couple that wanted to circumnavigate the globe in a year
using it. Ended up taking them 3 years and they didn't even finish,
they ended up getting divorced. It's only $200,000.
And yeah, I admit, I was watching Extra on TV. Sorry everyone, I
don't have cable and I was switching through the 5 channels I get and
there was a picture of that beast on. I thought it looked cool.
Good News for Some
As a follow-up to the previous story about messages from my ass, do
you remember in Major Payne when the guys gave a bunch of laxative to
Damon Wayans and he made nice gurgling sounds in his bowels before
farting so nastily that the kid walking by him passed out and fell on
the floor? That was me for the last couple days. Gurgling and all.
I swear, sitting in class one day I let loose and a pine tree 100
yards away turned yellow.
Well, no more small furry animals will die gaseous deaths at my hand
(or butt as it were). Happily, no more noxious fumes are emitting
from the end of my digestive tract. Well not as often as before at
least. I think I was eating too much vegetables--going home for
spring break I was forced to eat the weird food of some diet my
parents are on that includes little meat and lots of veggies. And
this stuff called bulgar wheat, and some other stuff....I think it
was wheat germ. Give me rice and/or pasta any day!
The Matrix
I think Dechter may have been a tad too harsh on this movie, but he
is allowed to have his opinion...for now. I don't think that a movie
has to have a certain saturation of action sequences to be good.
Granted The Matrix seemed to be hyped up by the action (what the hell
else could we glean from the trailers except that it's mysterious?),
but I think the plot and most of the acting was pretty good.
Although Lawrence Fishburne seemed to err on the side of Captain Kirk
("Unfortunately...noboday can be....told, what the, matrix is."
Puhlease! Beam me up Schlocky!) and Keanu Reeves tends toward cool
dude Ted "Theodore" Logan whenever he tries to sound really ominous,
they came over well. I think that if i didn't have the mental
baggage of Bill & Ted and Star Trek that I wouldn't have noticed
these though. Anyhow that's my take.
Voodoo2 Card...Finally!
Well Monday I broke down and ordered a voodoo2 card for my computer.
As I have a Mac I ordered from Microconversions, and I got a deal on an 8MB
GameWizard. So I paid the extra money to get two day UPS (to be
shipped tuesday) and here it is Thursday (well Friday early morning)
at the writing of this and I am as of yet CARDLESS. I'm going to
have to dissolve UPS and Microconversions when crowned king.
Old Cheap Games
Got Descent II the other day....yeah it's old but it was only $10.
It's gonna take me awhile to get the hang of it, my Gravis Firebird
is kind of touchy. Maybe when my voodoo2 card arrives I'll play it
more in GL mode. Know of any old good games for the Mac that are
cheap or tips on tweaking a firebird joystick? Lemme know. Daily Gripes-- BradFitz.com
This guy puts up pictures of every piece of his computer. He seems
somewhat intelligent but good God...
This guy is a grade-A annoyance. Read his Likes and Dislikes page:"I don't like people that stutter." Isn't that like saying "I
hate amputees?" You can't help it if you stutter... bastard. Maybe he'd like them a little more if he had a stutter. That can be arranged...
Welcome to the Gospel According to Marc
Everything you see and read here on this page comes from Marc at the Dechter.com Seattle office. The opinions presented here are his and do not necessarily represent those of Dechter.com, DechTech Global Thermonuclear, or any of its subsidiaries.
My Body is Decomposing
Over the last three days, the substances leaving my body have
convinced me that it is decomposing. That's right, I'm talking about
our feathery friends, the low flying ducks. You know, the african
barking spiders? Flapdoodles? Hiney hymns?
So I'm sitting in my french class, and talking to the people around
me, and the alarm we all have goes off. "Hey! We got a problem down
here! Gonna have to open the overflow valve!" I hold it off as long
as possible, but it just won't work. Finally I do the ol' lean and
lift, and off it is, silent as a whisper on the wind. I congratulate
myself on another loaf-poofing done well. Then the smell hits.
Everyone within 10 feet of me is looking for the dead animal that has
obviously been thrown into the room. I know differently of course,
but still look around with everyone else.
That's just one scenario. Dammit, this has been happening ever since
I got back to school from spring break Sunday. Anyhow, I have been
trying to figure out what got added to my diet over spring break that
could cause this, and I've come up empty handed so far.
Christ! Someone open a window in here, or light a match, or something!
Anyhow, because I can't get enough of those little stinkers, here are
some more synonyms (some from http://www.frapper.com/lingo.html):
Cutting the cheese. Queefing. Breaking wind. Squeezing the beans.
Baking brownies. Passing gas. Being windy at the south pole.
Rotting the eggs. Souring the milk. The breath of Hades. Ripping a
good one. Stinker. Poofer. Shitting blanks. Brown death. Cloud
of pestilence. Assflapping. Barnburning.
My favorite: Mr. Butt has something to say.
You're all laughing, I don't care how disgusting you think this is.
The Matrix on Letterman
Tonight Lawrence Fishburne was a guest on The Late Show with David Letterman. There was a kickass
clip from The Matrix where Keanu
Reeves (looking a bit scrawny) is challenged to attack Fishburne in
some martial arts room setting. At the end of the very fast and very
cool match, Fishburne sends Reeves in a short barrel roll to the
floor. The scene and other fighting scenes are evidently done by the
actors themselves, which is highly
impressive.
These People Just Won't Give Up!
So yesterday i get home after being out of town for the weekend. On
my answering machine: "Hi, this is Christine with Help in Crisis
International at 206-xxx-xxxx. We are looking for donations of used
vehicles which we auction to raise money for needy kids..."
Now what the hell is that? Are charities getting greedier? Now they
don't want donations of clothes or used toys. No, they need your
CAR. Damn guys, let's come back down to earth! What's next?
"Hello, I'm calling on account of Save the Nutcases, and we're
looking for donations of used houses, which we auction to raise money
for needy out of asylum psychos. Also, if you can't afford to give
us your house, we will have a truck in your neighborhood collecting
used body parts, such as spleens, kidneys, livers, hearts, and lungs.
You don't even need to call us back, we'll come get your donation
some night while you're asleep. Have a nice day!"
Message to donations-based organizations
In the last 3 days, I have received 5 calls from people wanting me
donate stuff to them. You know, the "we're going to have a truck in
your area and we were wondering..." Well, I have news for you: I
live in the University district, have you heard of it? Yeah, the one
where all the college students live, the ones who scrape up money
wherever they can find it to pay their bills? If you bring that
truck around, call me and give me a time and a place, and I'll
rummage through it for stuff to take home.
And another thing: if, after a single call, I tell your organization
that I don't have anything to donate to you, UPDATE YOUR LIST. Three
of the five calls I got were from the same Center for the Retarded.
Maybe the people you are helping aren't the people you should have
manning the phones. I'll cut you a deal: if some day I have
something to donate, I'LL give YOU a call.
Jack in the Box
Tonight I went to Jack in the Box in
Seattle for dinner with a couple of friends. For the first time in
my life I was asked by a health-conscious (and evidently stupid)
cashier if I knew that the Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger alone contains
1100 Calories. Is a customer walking into a fast food restaurant
interested in counting calories? "Oh man, 1100 calories? Take off a
couple pieces of cheese, and halve the bacon count. That should
lower it to about 950."
I was introduced to this film by a couple friends of mine that came
to my apartment the other night as they were bored out of their
minds. After going out to dinner, we went to a local rental store in
Seattle's U-District and picked it out. I have seen plenty of anime,
and this was on par with the best of it.
In 2019 post-apocalyptic Neo-Tokyo, Tetsuo, who's always walked in
the shadow of his stronger and more popular friend Kaneda, the leader
of their motorcycle gang, is subjected to psychic tests by the
Japanese government that give him special psychic powers--those of
Akira. As his powers grow and he learns how to handle them, he
escapes from the government and sees a way to finally turn things
around and be more powerful than Kaneda. However, his inexperience
in using Akira causes him to hurt his friends while facing enemies
that come from his subconscious.
For more info, see Akira Only.
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