What the Smeg?

Ok, I could maybe see the smews, smog(s), smug(s), snag(s), and snug(s) as they are somewhat close, but Knox, Xmas, knacks? I mean Knox doesn't even share any of the letters...

A search engine will reveal a bunch of Red Dwarf sites, or...

This is roughly cut and pasted from www.supershop.co.uk/smeg

is an acronym for
SMALTERIE
METALLURGICHE
EMILIANE
GUASTALLA
which means Metal enamelling factory based in Guastalla Emilia

Guastalla is a town in Emilia, which is a province of Northern Italy.

Yeah, so they make home appliances and stuff.
I hope that this clears everything up.

Slack-Jawed Yokels
So I went and saw The Matrix and this Smeghead behind me was being loud and obnoxious. At the point where Morpheus offers the red and blue pills to Neo, the Smeg-For-Brains behind me says, (quite loudly) "Take the RED pill." Now obviously he has to take the red pill for the sake of the plot, I mean it would be a really crappy movie otherwise. I think this is the same kind of person who will say "Don't open the door!" at any chance he can during a horror movie. Well, for most of the movie he was able to keep his fat mouth shut but at the end he says, (really loudly) "This movie SUCKED!" At this point he leaves in a huff, as does everyone else, and he's muttering about how it sucked. I sit back and soak in the Rage Against The Machine song as the credits roll and sit through the Marilyn Manson song (which was better than when I first heard it on MTV. Yeah, I watched that song then turned the channel, after being reminded why I don't watch.) and caught the secret password.

Smeghead

The next night I went to see it again. (different theater, oooh--- with NICE chairs) I go with about eight other guys and we take up two rows along the side and then behind us sits a whole family of smegheads. I could tell it would be bad from the start as they started talking during the previews. At Wild Wild West they mention that this will be one of the movies that they see on video. And then it reaches the point in the preview where Willy leaves the room of bodies and the guy falls from the ceiling and I knew that things were REALLY bad. As soon as the guy fell (I admit it brought a smile to my face) the smegheads behind us laughed. I can hear you say, "So?" It was not a normal laugh, it was more of a HEEEEYuk Yuk Yuk but not really, just imagine a BAD and ANNOYING laugh and you will understand. I will talk about the previews when I talk about the movie in a review, but back to the dim-whited smegheads. If you have seen the movie you will know what I'm talking about and if you haven't I won't ruin anything, at least I will try not to. Ok, points of irksomeness:

1) The part where Neo gets the phone from FedEx, yeah, you know, and he answers it and then the little bottom part shoots out so it's closer to his mouth. At this point there issues a loud, "Oooh I want a phone like that." Shaddup.

2) When the phone drops, and you see it for a moment before it takes off, and as it falls, I hear, "It's a NOKIA!" So you can read.....

3) When Neo and Trinity shoot up the entry to the building where Morpheus is, they laughed really hard when the guards got killed. I mean, yeah, that was a cool scene, but is that something that needs to be laughed at? Hysterically?

4) The point where Mr. Anderson gets shot and "dies" and you see the little EKG display, yep at that part I hear, "FLATLINE, he's FLATLINING!" Thanks Dr. Dimwit... I didn't know... thanks for telling me, LOUDLY, IN MY EAR!

5) At the part where the helicopter is mirrored in the building, there was a big sound glitch. There were 2 more smaller ones elsewhere as well. I mean, what the smeg, this is a nice theater, what's with the sound, that crappy one I saw it at the day before had good sound... I realize this has nothing to do with the smegheads behind us, it's just a point that I am pissed off about.

6) At ANY action scene, or at ANY death, there was that stupid laughing behind us. Boot to the head ya smegheads. Urgh.

Smegheads

On the ride back, yeah, we were all crammed in one little van, and my roommate starts going off about the stupid people that sat behind us and mentions that he believes that they could be classified as "Slack-Jawed Yokels." We made a lot of jokes about them and came to the conclusion that it would be fun to take them out with a crowbar ala Half-Life. Well it was either that or a double blast from a shotgun... Digital violence? ummm yeah, it's ummm, not bad......

Two days later, I go again. To the nicer theater again and this time the only thing that rankled my goat was the same sound glitches. That one at the helicopter scene was really bad. URRRGH! But the movie still "whipped a snow leopard's ass." Thank you Wesley Willis. Now if you are thinking anything about me being a worthless "follow the newest fad" kind of person, you can just bite me. This is the first movie that I have seen multiple times in the theater, and that's only because I wasn't old enough at the first Star Wars, and Episode One isn't out yet... ;)